Sharing Your Mistakes

When parenting, is it better to let your children know the mistakes that you made, in hopes that they will hear you, learn from you, and not make the same mistakes themselves? Or is it better to keep your mistakes a secret, hoping that they will see you as a better person, and want to live up to your standards?

For me, there are so many things that I have found out as I have gotten older... primarily since getting married. It is as though marriage was the big, "Okay, she's an adult now. I guess we can let her know..."

My SIL, Aussie, is 16 years old... 

Mr. T. has tried to get me to sit her down, and let her in on the stupid things I did in the past. He thinks my cautionary tales would be more beneficial than the ones coming from her parents. I tend to try and pretend she is still sweet and naive... or if she isn't, that she's mature enough and smart enough not to make the same mistakes that I did. However, I do feel like when the time comes for her to go off to college, there is a definite conversation that should be had. How much I choose to divulge is still up in the air. 

I don't want Aussie to think less of me. Similarly, you don't want your child to hear what you have to say, and be disgusted by your stupidity... Because how are they supposed to respect and look up to someone who has made so many mistakes themselves?! 

They might be too young to understand that we are all human. So maybe you set a time limit... "I will tell them about X, Y, Z when they are old enough to have lived through certain experiences themselves, and they will see the humor and laugh at me for it, without any hard feelings." Or at that time, when they've lived through "certain experiences," will it already be too late?!

I understand that I am not a parent yet, and that certain circumstances cannot possibly be prepared for-- that you just know what action to take when you are faced with the situation. I also understand that there is a HUGE difference between being an older SIL and a parent. It is okay for me to want my SIL to be my friend, and to have fun with me. But as a parent, you need to do what is best/safest for your child... not what will ensure that they are your BFF.

My husband and I have started a mental list, of things we DO NOT want our children to know about... at least until they are no longer our young, impressionable, children. And even then, some things are better left private. 

When Mr. T. and I started dating, I was at a point of change in my life. Our relationship started with an evaluation of my life and my stupid choices, and very little was known about Mr. T's less-than-admirable choices. Consequently, I saw him as being this holier-than-thou character, and resented his advice. It was not until I learned of his own shortcomings and mistakes that I saw him as a real person, and was able to respect where he was coming from. Perhaps that is just part of my personality... but perhaps it is an across-the-board way of understanding life. We can only truly to listen to the people who we respect... and we can only open up to those people who have opened up to us? 

Should they be made to feel like you are being honest with them?

Or will that honesty only be used as ammo when you are telling them what not to do?

...Ultimately, how much information should you choose to share with your children?

*Oi've... I've got lots to learn before getting knocked up :)